Being dark
by ChiisanaAnisa
Summary: Surrounded by dark, with no light to give her hope to get up and walk again, can Kagome see her love as that so much needed light to help her live again? W: Dark and agnsty


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha and co. I also don't own the songs. Their right-full owners are (in order) Bob Dylan "Not dark yet", Barnabas "All alone", A-Ha "Lie down in Darkness" and Allison Crowe "Dark blue". That's it!W

**Warning:** Dark and angsty like the title says.

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**"Being dark"**

**By My Sciorra

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**

_Shadows are fallin' and I've been here all day_

_It's too hot to sleep and time is runnin' away_

_Feel like my soul has turned into steel_

_I've got the scars that sun didn't heal_

_There's not even room enough to be anywhere_

_It's not dark yet but I'm getting there._

_._

_._

Dark.

That's all I can see.

Dark.

All around me. Yes.

.

.

_Well my sense of humanity has gone down the drain_

_Behind everything beautiful stands some kind of pain_

_I just don't see why should I even care_

_It's not dark yet but it's getting there_

_._

_._

One day, far far ago in time, I decided to be selfish. To care only for myself. How did that turn out so badly? My conscience told me to stop at the very second the likes of that kind of thoughts began, but being stupid as I was, I ignored it.

I felt repelled, I felt challenged to scream, to yell, to shriek, to do anything loud enough for the whole world to hear me. It did not help. My soul poured out of me, leaving me alone with me dirty thoughts. I felt alone.

I still remember being there, in the middle of a big, forsaken, green valley, right in the middle of it, sitting on the soft grass after falling on it moments and seconds ago. My body gave out on me and I just fell, desperately to the ground that seemed to embrace me in a strange way. In a way I never knew before.

I remember it like a flashes of light, just pictures shoving themselves present to me, to convince me they are really there, that they happened. I would laugh at this situation, but one can not laugh if tears are pouring down her face. Or can she? Let me answer you. - No. -

.

.

_I was born here and I'll die here against my will_

_I know it looks like I'm movin' but I'm standing still_

_Every nerve in my body is so naked and numb_

_i can't even remember what is that I came here to get away from_

_Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer_

_It's not dark yet, but it's getting there._

.

.

I was sitting there, hanging my head low, not looking, for my eyes were tightly shut, and my mind wishing I would never have to look again. At anything. It was to painful to be looked at. Lights didn't turn out, rushing me to remember some more.

I did.

Like a shadow of the dark itself, cloaked figure covered my small form on the ground, amidst the greenness. I didn't turn around to acknowledge it, for I didn't need to. I knew who or what it was.

My own shadow hovering over me like forbidden burden of a long lost self.

Lost. That was also how I felt. Lost. Alone. Desperate. Challenged.

One by one, tears dropped from my still shut eyes, heavy like rocks, but I gave it no thought to wipe them away. Why? They would fall or dry up anyway. Wouldn't they?

.

.

_Secret dreams rising up the dead of night_

_All alone: it's weakness that's hard to break_

_Another summer fades away like evening light_

_Another year, as your confidence starts to shake_

_._

_._

I was a fool. A little naive fool who believed in faerie tales since the day she was born. My whole life way bound to be one, but it turned out to be more like a nightmare than a faerie tale. I guess that's how the world goes. With irony in every step that tag's along.

The shadow moved, stepping in front of me, reaching out for my chin and taking it gently, rising it up with a force meant to collide. Two worlds. The shadow that was supposed to be incarnation of dark forever and me - the description of pure light. But as soon as my eyes shoot open to collide with it's look, the hand backed away and those eyes seemed to blink in pure confusion.

And then in utter fear.

.

.

_The peacefull moon reflects in tears of your solitude_

_Look around, but there's no one to share the blame_

_Unwilling longer in a unfeeling multitude_

_Play the fads, but the face in the mirror won't change_

_._

_._

They stared at me, openly afraid of what was laid out before them. Fear, disbelief, regret, pitifulness, and many others reflected in those eyes. You ask why?

Well, I suppose it's quite simple. They were afraid because my eyes showed even greater darkness then one that was meant for themselves. No, they were even more petrified by the defeat that was so easy to spot in my eyes. Defeat at all. Life, in general.

But tears didn't stop. No, they still went down my cheeks, freely like beautiful, but salt waterfalls, awaiting to hit the ground or the fabric of my clothes like so many other drops combined in water. They were just that. Salt drops... of water.

Then the hand reached out again, the thumb cleaning away my tears, in a broken attempt to make my eyes clear again. Oh, how easy it is to fool someone! Even easier to fool yourself. But, yes, my eyes did clear somewhat and now they mirrored something that terribly reminded of a broken heart laid out in front of someone's shoes.

An offer to broken heart that needed mending, to make it whole again real fast. A heart that wouldn't accept it, because the outer layers of my body refused to show just how broken it was. And how urgently it needed that oh, so vital mending.

A very sad smile crept on shadow's face. It looked like it was trying to smile instead of me, and it was doing a very poor job of it. I shook my head, scrapping my cheek away from the comforting hand, letting it know that smiling was the last thing on my mind right now.

.

.

_Floating away from prison_

_Shattering my shell_

_Finally getting to escape_

_Floating away from my hell_

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_._

Suddenly, just as I presumed, the tears stopped, at a realisation that the shadow tried to comfort me. Anger boiled up from somewhere deep inside of me, swirling up and down looking for any way possible of escaping out. An anger, so strong, I never, ever, thought I would feel. Not even hate would surprise me this much. No. But this unknown anger, with such power, asking to be cut out, to break free of this prison it was sentenced inside, not to be dormant forever.

It came to life, with a want to live even for a tinniest of the moments in eternity. So strong it was. But that innocent child, also inside of me, pushed it back down, convincing it with smooth, childish words it wasn't right. As everything is meant to be a fool once in their lifetime, so did this anger. It believed the words of a mere child, and slipped down, almost disappearing. I knew better.

.

.

_And in this a whirlpool_

_And it this a maze_

_An unending battle_

_In a tireless haze_

_._

_._

Every fool has a trick down it's sleeve. And this trick was... it would wait for a better time to break free once and for all. Just not now.

With so many memories of bad things, faith in good sailed away on a breezing wind that just flew past me and my shadow, here in the valley. Faith... I lost it some time ago.

Hope?

That was another story. The shadow could see the sparkle of hope in my eyes, that was ever there, always looking for some new motives to stay alive. If she found them, she would hold onto like the last link to the world she once knew... So far she did. I wonder what would happen if she didn't find that so hard looked for motives, reasons to stay sparkling for so long? What would occur? Would she die, and take me down together with her?

Let me ask so many question again, and wait for no answers like a kid waiting for a gift that would never come.

.

.

_With all our goals and destinations_

_Everything must be this way_

_Vague are hopes to try our patience_

_Listen what I have to say_

_._

_._

Another flash of light blinded my inner sight and took me back to that meadow. The shadow was still crouched in front of me, on his knees, looking deeply into my soul through my eyes. And as if finding something it liked, that small smile grew bigger and bigger, at the end covering all of it's face in a big grin.

If I had a mirror I would be able to see the same as him and maybe smile too. But I didn't have it, and no-one could guarantee it to me that I would see it as well. The tears didn't start again, and I blinked, lifting my eyelids slowly open. This time, completely new world awaited me.

The sun pierced trough the dark clouds that were moments ago floating above my head, somewhere in the distance I could clearly hear the birds chirp, and the warm summer breeze passed by, swinging the grass around me as it went.

Looking straight forward my eyes found a safe sanctuary to rest in. Sanctuary full of promises, new and old ones, full of renewed hope and most of all full of gentleness and never-ending love.

I felt my lips quirk up in a smile.

Strange. The challenge to destroy everything and myself in the process left me on that passer-by breeze, the sun stole away all the bad thoughts from my head and I didn't dare to ask myself it they were even there to begin with.

It wasn't dark anymore. No. Warming, honest eyes looked at me, taking in my small, now trembling form on the brown ground, pleading me to get up and be well, to be in peace. My soul felt just like that. As if I've finally found peace at that sanctuary open before me to enter.

Gingerly a hand reached out, and standing I gripped it with strong will, hanging and not letting go. Neither did the hand. The figure now, not a shadow anymore, didn't ask any questions at what just happened. It didn't request to tell my story of a sudden and abrupt change in behaviour.

.

.

_All our trials and tribulations_

_Will it ever make much sense_

_All these years_

_They disappear_

_They leave me here without defence_

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_._

The figure just trusted me to be okay again, to fell calm, safe even loved. I accepted that kind of a peace offer, that kind of an apology without questions also. For my soul seemed at peace with itself for now, my heart beats with every new, fresh breath I take, my hand firmly holding on my...

Shadow. My saviour. My downfall.

My heaven. My hell.

.

My everything.

.

Yes, now big, big smile spread out on my face too, and I took a deep breath into my lungs, closing my eyes in the process. Opening them again I turned my head slightly to right to look at the person walking beside me, as always.

.

.

_I see you, I know that_

_I need you and you I want_

_And so now I'll leave this_

_As my last request_

_**"Don't you ever forget..."**_

**_._**

**_._**

**__**

My angel - saviour.

My devil - downfall.

_My Inuyasha..._

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_.

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THE END

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_AN: Ok... dark. That about sum's it up, ne? Well, lets just say I wasn't feeling very well after my downfall and some hidden emotions came up. This fic is the result. If you wish you could say it was more a reflection of me than Kagome having a troublesome time after one to many sight-seeing Inuyasha with Kikyo. But, let's just also say that she knew what is good and what is bad and HOW to get up in the end. Even with a little bit of help._

_Although, I really think that there is some deeper side of Kagome then just always present peachy mode. She has to have some dark inside as well, as all beings do. Think about it and you will see it as possible._

_And as for being it Kagome - ne, I think it's pretty obvious. Who could break down after a thing like that, after seeing a person she loves with another woman that supposedly loved him but wants him dead. How would you feel?_

_ Betrayed to just plain stupid?_

_You know the answer._

_Human heart needs to be taken care of... not only after breaking. No. It needs constant caring throughout our lives, for where would we end up without our hearts to guide us trough trials of love?_

_Take care,_

_Chiisana Anisa_


End file.
